we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
