Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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