Cold hands, warm shart.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
