The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
