I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
