I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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