My liver just broke up with me...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
