Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
