I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
