I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
