woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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