That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
