He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
