Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
