Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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