I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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