I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
