Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
