I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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