You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
