So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
