Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
