Jerry, you need to find god
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
