One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
