Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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