He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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