Ketchup is God's man juice
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
