dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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