he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
