I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
