Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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