So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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