A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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