wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
