what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
