Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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