man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
