Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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