My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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