I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
