I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
