Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
