True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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