Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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