So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
