I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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