I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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