part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
