She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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