I think I died a long time ago.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
