don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
