somebody snuck up and got me drunk
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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